Boy, having a kid takes a bite out of your gaming time, let me tell you! But now she's old enough to game with me!
Don't dry a wet cat using this microwave.
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There's only one person who's qualified to make E3 predictions, and that's The Man. After 10 years of raising a small human, I'm imminently qualified to tell other people what to do, how to do it, and when I expect it done, so sit down and prepare to know exactly what's going to happen in a couple of weeks.
Wii Music 2 X Labo: The original "band members" of the 2008 introduction to Wii Music will come back together for a smash encore presentation, showing off a fully-formed cardboard ensemble that's ready to rock your world. Cardboard drums? Check. Cardboard guitar? Check. Cardboard trumpet? Check. Cardboard Xylophone? Check. And now, also a cardboard Theramin, for otherworldly compositions. 8 Joy-Con will be required to play the game, so start saving now. Also, plan to spend at least 12 hours building your instruments before inviting friends over to jam (unless your friends are so cool that they want to help build it). The xylophone itself takes 4 hours because of all the bars, each of which needs a sticker placed in the right spot so the Joy-Con can see when it's struck.
F-Zero RPG: Come enjoy the side of Captain Falcon that we never see, in this new RPG that revolves around the Captain's bounty hunting job. Track enemies on foot, interact with single-phrase NPCs to track them down, and try to build up enough bounty to get a new door put on the Blue Falcon so that you can drive it again. No racing in this game, the end rewards is rebuilding the Blue Falcon so that you can watch a cut scene of it driving away. Collect Battle Sticker GX items throughout the game to use in your enemy encounters and fill up your museum. Get 100% of them to unlock a remake of the Nintendo Land F-Zero racing game to play on your Switch!
Nintendo Land 2: Speaking of Nintendo Land, Nintendo will send each viewer a package of balloons and confetti to drop on their heads at the wrong time, and then will show the exciting new Nintendo Land installment. Featured attractions will be Clu-Clu's Pole Dancing Workout, where the player has to see how much money they can get stuffed into their character as it swings around on a pole-dancign pole; Crazy Ooccoo's Night Terror, a jump-scare game where you try and help Slippy Toad get out of a maze by using remote video cameras, all while avoiding terrifying Ooccoo Breast Attacks; and Urban Champion Cleanup, an exciting side-scroller where you're tasked with cleaning up garbage in your urban landscape while moving through neverending waves of littering enemies.
Switch Vitality Sensor: A new mandatory peripheral, the Switch Vitality Sensor will use advanced Quality of Life technology to detect if you're having thoughts of doing any hacking on your Switch. In the event that the Sensor detects that you're having hacking thoughts, Mr. Resetti will appear on your screen and berate you for 5 minutes. Removing the Sensor at any time will delete your current save data.
Hope in one hand, urine in the other ...
Atari 2600 Pretendo Console: With the removal of the Virtual Console from Nintendo's vocabulary, they'll introduce the Pretendo Console! Functionally identical to the Virtual Console, this new service will be launched with an extensive catalog of Atari 2600 games, with new ones coming out bi-monthly. The first (and only) cartridge available will be Combat, which as we all know is actually 27 games in one! These games are only playable with the single Joy-Con used in sideways-mode, and all 4 buttons will emulate the single Atari 2600 controller's button.
Olimar's Cooking Challenge: Olimar has crashed on another planet on his way home from his latest mission! Lucky for him, this planet is once again populated by tiny, helpful Pikmin! The twist in this installment is that Olimar has no food, and the similarities between Pikmin and carrots is too much for him. You guide Olimar around the planet as he tries to round up Pikmin, then get them back into his kitchen, where he has to prepare them for dinner. Learn new recipes, collect new kitchen utensils, and make friends with Bulborbs and other indigenous customers as you sell your extra prepared food in exchange for Sparklium to power your ship.
Sonic and Knuckles DDR: Sonic and Knuckles are on a quest for Chaos Emeralds, and need to use their dancing skills to defeat Dr. Eggman! By using the included DDR pad (which uses GameCube connectors, thus requiring the Wii U GameCube adapter), help Sonic and Knuckles cha-cha their way to victory through more than 20 exciting dancing levels! All levels will use the same music that's found int he Knuckles search stages in Sonic Adventure 2.
STFU, this poo-poo is NOT going to be there.
Metroid Prime Federation Force 2: While it would be an obvious stopgap while rabid fans wait for Metroid Prime 4 to show up, Fed Force 2 won't make a showing at this year's E3. Expect it to show up on 3DS alongside Metroid Prime 4, with exciting cross-compatibility features such as letting you play in a Fed Force mech suit if you beat Fed Force 2 and then link it to your Switch.
Jack Bros. Switch: Everyone wants to see a triumphant return from this classic Virtual Boy game. While the outcry for this game has been almost deafening, with hard-code SMT fans wanting to see a return to top-down black-and-red gameplay, this game's not going to be seen this year. Rumors state that Nintendo is still working on the required VR interface for the Switch, complete with tripod attachment for tabletop use.
Lolol, at first I thought this was a half-baked joke that acknowledges your viewing of my video, because obviously not all J-rock doesn't sound like Sonic music (I think most Sonic rock music is white-boi bands). But after listening to the song again, I found that the the intro (and the intro alone) sounds one HELL of a lot like Live and Learn.
I listened to it enough to feel like I had to go fast, but once it stopped sounding like Sonic music then I moved on.
SA2 is probably the Sonic game I've heard the most music from, since it's the one I (tried to) play the most. God, that Knuckles music ... *shudder*
I actually call just about any rap music that I hear, "Knuckles Music" now.
Oh, and i really do not give two shits about the spin-off series with Bort. I started reading the manga version, but stopped after a few chapters cuz i just got bored, and just straight-up haven't seen the anime version. To me, it just feels like a lame cash grab after the success of the original, like with how Yu-Gi-Oh kept going after the original series with GX and 5DS and whatever the fuck other ones there've been.
February 22, 2018: "Let's try that "fast" stuff again."
As promised, the 200cc racing that was planned for last week zoomed into our homes and hearts this week. For most of the night, 5 brave souls raced at breakneck speeds. Morgil raced for 5 races, but was having internet problems and bailed out. We're sure he spent the rest of the night crying to himself that he couldn't have fun with us ... hey, wait a minute ...
Anyway, the rest of us had a grand old time, with two players breaking 300 points, as usually happens with the extra 5 or 6 races that we get at 200cc.
Even though I started out looking like I'd come in a solid 4th or 5th all night, I somehow managed to battle Ngamer back for first place, and a new overall high-score for a tournament at 358 points (sorry Sam, you had other things to do, and so were unseated from your highest-score-ever status).
Not many surprises here since nobody dropped out or showed up late. Just pure racing amazement!
With Crazed's soundboard offline for the night, the only real excitement that we got was when Plant asked me to type some stuff so he could break my combo. The event was immortalized by Septapus as well.
While we had some interesting events (all relating to Blue Shells), such as Plant driving under me when I got clipped by a Blue Shell, a Blue Shell apparently targeting two different people because of lag, and Yori racing so fast on Mute City that the Blue Shell had a hard time catching up to her, none of the replays really did the events justice, so not much to visually share on that. Please understand.
Ngamer shared a short clip video in Discord, though!
Next week will be Smash on Wii U, celebrating Pokemans Day. Get the full scoop from the CC8 Bot, and be sure to show up to hear Plant marvel at his new Wii U GamePad battery!
Thanks to everyone who could race this week. Give yourself a hearty,